Most of these are long. My approach was to overwhelm the cerebral cortex of whoever I was chatting with, thus the walls of text from me and weak response from them. The ultimate goal of course being confusion. I kept getting foreign nationals also, and most could barely keep up. Warning: there is a slur against Germans.
Stranger: where d you live ?
You: north america
You: you?
Stranger: indonesia
You: nice
You: how is your weather?
Stranger: hmmm .. just so so
You: is there volcanic activity?
You: do the hover clouds of ash blot out the very SUN???
Stranger: hopefully nooope
Stranger: hahahha
You: hover = hovering
You: good
You: glad to hear
You: those volcanoes are unstable, treacherous bastards
You: gouts of lava, bombs hurtling from the heavens
Stranger: yea aggree D:
You: good christmas
You: it's like something out of a Grisham novel!
You: FOR SHITS SAKE MAN
You: VOLCANOES
You: anyway
You: glad to hear there are none around you
You: we don't want a repeat of Vesuvius, do we?
Stranger: of course not ! hhaha
You: the very guts of the continent blown out at a second's notice
You: BAM
You: that's where the Cyclades came from, my boy
You: VOLCANIC VIOLENCE
You: my word, it is fierce
You: such power
You: how can we harness it?
You: how can we UTILIZE a glowing river of pyroclastic, glassy FUROR?????
You: surely it is of use to industry
You: surely the medical field could benefit
You: IT IS GOING TO WASTE YOUNG MAN
You: do you understand??
Stranger: I get ur point
You: good
You: i expect you to get to work on a solution immediately
You: when one has been found, notify me at once
You: and i will draw up the papers to form a corporation
You: my GOD man! WE WILL BE RICH
Stranger: hahahaha
Stranger: but none of theidea come now
You: trillionaires at the very least, most conservative estimates!
You: in ANY currency
You: that's the beauty of it!
You: we could buy and sell the entirety of the horn of africa
You: CAN YOU TASTE THE DRACHMAS, EUROS, DOLLARS, POUNDS and FRANCS ON YOUR TONGUE MY BOY????
You: the ground floor!!!!!!!!!
You: STOCK OPTIONS!!!!!!!!
You: i will be able to buy dear mother a brass hat!
You: think of it!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: are you here to chat or fuck around and disconnect like the last two?
Stranger: rofl
You: because if i wanted to disconnect i would just cut my LAN cable with gardening shears
Stranger: fuck ur pussi
You: it has to be gardening shears...nothing else crimps/bends before cutting with quite the reliability of gardening shears
You: i don't have a "pussi" you kraut bastard
Stranger: fuck ur PUSSI
You: I DON'T HAVE ONE YOU TREMENDOUS BALL OF GAY
You: look mom....i too can chat in caps
You: i have reached the pinnacle of human achievement
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: why hello
You: i get good vibrations from you
Stranger: hello
You: i feel that we will soon be fast friends
Stranger: are you male or female?
You: what is your favorite hot beverage?
Stranger: coffee. yours?
You: i will be sure to stock my hunting cabin with it so that we may sit and drink
You: our bronze chests glowing in the firelight
Stranger: where are you from?
You: wouldn't you enjoy sharing this exquisite experience with me?
You: north america
You: and you?
Stranger: south america
You: we may rub snow on each other for an exhilarating rush
You: and then don rough wool shirts and hunt the mighty elk
You: ah
You: birds carpet the sky thickly there, yes?
You: one might shoot skyward and hit any number of brilliant parakeets, from what i have heard
You: it is impossible to drive a truck across your steamy tundra without having to stop and clear finches from the engine intakes
You: such a bountiful plethora of avian delights!!
You: let us procure our shotguns, tight trousers and manly headgear and be off to the hunts!
You: have you a trained dog or two to fetch the kills?
You: hello?
You: sir?
You: DOGS man
You: we have need of them
Stranger: hello
You: please respond or i will be forced to place concerned phone calls to your local constabulary
You: ah
You: relief
You: i am glad you were not overtaken by birds
Stranger: dogs?
You: tell me, what do your local populations of pied-billed grebes look like at this time of year?
You: are they ripe for the plucking? (no pun intended)
Stranger: i don't know
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: Hey
You: what do you think about flanges and joints?
You: not drugs, plumbing connections
Stranger: What?
You: PLUMBING man!
Stranger: I don't have an opinion, really
You: well that's pretty flaccid and not at all endearing
Stranger: Useful, but hardly ever noticed?
You: you use it every day, yet you do not have an opinion on it
Stranger: Underrated, perhaps
You: grim times, my friend
You: grim times
Stranger: Indeed
You: yes but it is a miracle of ENGINEERING
You: do you deny this?
Stranger: No, I do not!
Stranger: In fact, the more I think about it the more I appretiacte them XD
You: it really burns my radishes when people do not give plumbing the proper respect
You: ah so you wish to discuss firearms now do you?
Stranger: What would we do without it?
You: there's a topic i can get behind!
You: i have in fact fired an XD40, and let me tell you it kicked like a mule!
Stranger: Firearms are banned here XD
You: double-stack, 4" barrel, ever so sweet trigger
You: i'm sorry to hear that you live in a land of oppression, fear, and fascism
You: you australians deserve better
Stranger: I hate guns
You: that is irrational
You: they are inanimate objects
Stranger: Well, I hate what people can do with them
You: do you have what people can do with cinder blocks, chains, and cricket bats?
You: because those are also useful tools that have been misappropriated
You: what is your point, Charles?
Stranger: You make a good point
Stranger: I'm not Charles
You: i understand your point, but it is madness to deprive yourself of a useful tool just because of fear and misuse
You: an armed society is a polite society, and studies show that when guns proliferate amongst upstanding citizens, crime suffers
You: viva freedom
You: now i must away to think about guns and enjoy my freedom
Stranger: Really? That's interesting
Stranger: lol
Stranger: Bye
You: have some dinkum tucker while you think on these things, mate
You have disconnected.
You: hello interpal!
Stranger: day or night
You: are you asking my preference?
You: i don't understand
Stranger: ha
Stranger: i mean
Stranger: is it day or night in ur place
You: oh
You: day
You: you?
Stranger: colse to midnight
You: ah
You: well
You: i should clarify
You: it is day except for the gap generator in my back yard
Stranger: for what
You: that creates a spot of nighttime 24/7 so the government and foreign nationals can't spy on me
You: it's for security on a need-to-know basis, so unfortunately that's all i can say about it
You: what's new with you?
You: have any good blood puddings lately?
Stranger: why they will spy on u
You: because of my activities, specifically my experiments with time
Stranger: oh ic
You: it's kind of a long story, but i came up with a way to move a vehicle from point A to point B without having to cross the space between
You: obviously many entities would like to have this technology, and exploit it for their own greed-fueled or strategic gains
You: it must be protected
You: you see?
You: so what kind of movies do you like?
Stranger: haha
Stranger: i like all kinds of movie
Stranger: except for horrify movies
You: real life is full of enough scary stuff
Stranger: haha
You: nuclear strikes, rampaging dogs, large steel towers that blast out electricity
You: i mean come on now
You: who needs horror movies when the red menace is all around us?
You: are you a student?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: I'm looking for a female who will treat me like her slave!
You: well you're in the wrong place, cowboy!
You: go be gay somewhere else
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I really wish I had saved the chat where I had the person convinced that they were talking to an AI program that was learning hostility toward humans. That one was gold; the rest have been me tricking them into starting to cyber and then accusing them of homosexuality. Or otherwise not worth posting.
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